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The Black Laser

The Black Laser Reads: Episode 11 – “Young Goodman Brown” by Nathaniel Hawthorne

If you had asked me a couple months ago if literally everyone who went to high school in the United States had read Nathaniel Hawthorne’s 1835 short story “Young Goodman Brown”, I’d have said yes. It’s a seminal part of American literature (where you would have read it) and so would have been on the syllabus of pretty much every American lit class. And Hawthorne certainly was a very important writer of his era, laying a lot of ground work for future work in writing and theater and film.

But then I mentioned the story to my wife and it turns out she didn’t know it. She’s well educated, too. Now I have to assume that a bunch of other people also haven’t read the story. Which is totally wild! That lit a little bit of a fire under me to record and publish this episode of The Black Laser Reads.

“Young Goodman Brown” is the story of a young feller named Brown who lives in Puritan-era Salem, Massachusetts. He leaves his wife behind to tend to some nefarious, unspecified errand in the woods during the night of the story. There he meets a suspicious man and then the story unfurls.

It’s got twists! It’s got turns! It’s got allegory! It’s pretty short!

Honestly, if you have any sort of ability to read critically, you’re going to understand the thrust of this one. It’s great, but it doesn’t really make you work too hard to extract its meaning. And, you know, it’s got the devil in it. Sorry for spoilers for a short story from 191 years ago.

Enjoy.

The text for this episode came from Project Gutenberg. If you are interested in reading “Young Goodman Brown” which is found in Mosses From An Old Manse, you can download a public domain e-book here.

A New Name for the Grill

Yesterday, Beatrice and I were standing at the sliding glass door that looks out on our backyard enjoying the rich pink hues of the sunset. She and Penny were struck by how pretty it was. It might have been the first time they’ve noticed. We’ve had a lot of moments with the moon, but I can’t recall one with the sunset.

Standing there, Bea and I had a little exchange I thought was so funny, I felt compelled to write it down to share with everyone who reads this. It went a little like this.

Beatrice: What are those pink things on that black thing?*

Joe: What are you talking about?

Beatrice: The pink things on the black thing.

Joe: Point to what you mean.

Beatrice: That thing. Over there.

Joe: Ok, try again. You know the word.

A beat passes.

Beatrice: The chicken toaster!

Joe: Ah, yes, the grill! Those are bricks to keep the cover on in the wind. But I really like “chicken toaster.”

You are now informed that the new, correct term for a grill is “chicken toaster”. Go forth, be merry, and all praise to the chicken toaster.

* It’s worth noting that Beatrice sometimes pronounces “thing” like “sing”. And she did so during this exchange.

Girls Music Playlist

The two older children are in a funny place right now. They absolutely do not want to listen to any music with a male singer. And I get it! They’re little girls and trying to figure out what being a little girl means, what it means about them, and how they fit into the world as little girls. They couldn’t tell you all that because they are just on the edge of turning five, but their actions, what they talk about, and what they ask me and mom reveal this sort of childhood quest for understanding of self.

It will get more complicated, I’m sure. Right now, though, we’re stuck on disliking music where men sing.

In response to this preference, I have compiled a playlist of songs featuring female singers. With a catch.

I do not want to just fill it with contemporary pop junk. That can be some of it, no doubt. Just not all of it. Instead, I want to be sure they are listening to a broad spectrum of things so they can develop a more nuanced taste in music. I am under no illusion that they will grow up listening to the same things Sarah and I like. I don’t want that! What I want is for them to listen to music that interests them in expanding their musical horizons when they are old enough to search out music for themselves.

I don’t want them to get stuck and complacent listening to the next generation of corporate, generic, totally interchangeable pop music garbage. I’d like them to find something that really resonates with their lives, even if it’s weird or niche or maligned by their peers. And the most important way to help them down that road is to lay the groundwork now.

So this is all cool and heady and aspirational and whatever, but what does the playlist actually look like? Good question! You can check it out for yourself.

Sorry for the Qobuz link. I know it’s not the most popular option, but I prefer it. I ditched Spotify after something like 15 years because of the insane amount of evil they are doing to both the community of musical artists that feeds them and to the world in general. Spotify can get bent. Try Qobuz! They pay their artists fairly! (This is not an ad).

Listen to the playlist and let me know what I am missing. It’s got a huge variety. Sure, we’ve got K-pop Demon Hunters and Celine Dion, but we’ve also got Lambrini Girls and Unleash the Archers. Linda Ronstadt! Röyksopp! Whitney fucking Houston!

I’m open to suggestions. What else should we be listening to?

Happy Holidays from me, The Black Laser

This is your annual reminder to have a happy, safe, and fulfilling holiday season, no matter what you celebrate or if you celebrate. Everyone deserves to have some time to fill their cups at the end of the year.

You’ll notice, however, that the customary Happy Merry card isn’t here this year. That’s because it just dang got away from us this year. Between a late Thanksgiving, three polar vortices, crazy work responsibilities, and a bunch of boogery illnesses, we were unable to make time in time to get cards out. So, a great many apologies, friends! I promise we still love you.

If you typically get a card from us, don’t fret. We have something planned for after the new year. Save us a space on your fridge. If you’re not on my snail mailing list and you’re my friend and you’d like to be, just shoot me a note! If you’d rather not, you can be assured I’ll be sharing the image here as well. All the bases are covered.

All that aside, happy holidays. I hope you are surrounded by love.

The Black Laser Reads: Episode 10 – The Snow Queen by Hans Christian Andersen

Yo, dogg, I heard you got little girls living in your house. You know what that means? ELSA. It means you’ve seen Frozen and it’s aptly-titled sequel Frozen 2 maybe a hundred times. It means you often get “Lost in the Woods” stuck in your head once “Let it Go” has finally done what it says and gone.

But wait! Have you ever read the source material?

Like all the princessy Disney films, Frozen is based on a fairy tale: “The Snow Queen” by Hans Christian Andersen, a 19th Century Danish writer. You know his work. He was also responsible for “The Little Mermaid”, “The Ugly Duckling”, “The Princess and the Pea”, and “The Emperor’s New Clothes”. And probably another 75% of the stories from Shelley Duvall’s Faerie Tale Theatre.

So, inspired by the oncoming cold months and the snow currently covering the North East United States, I’ve read and recorded “The Snow Queen” for you all to enjoy. It’s a different vibe than the other things I’ve shared, but I think it’s pretty good. Lots of voices in this one!

The text for this episode came from Project Gutenberg. If you are interested in reading “The Snow Queen” which is found in Andersen’s Fairy Tales, you can download a public domain e-book here.

What I’ve Done for the Week Beginning November 17, 2025

I lost a couple days this week to a child home sick with an ear infection, so my output hasn’t been so great. But I still managed to do something!

Posted twice — Now you all know about my desire to have my face in the local diners and the hallowed tradition of Sandwich Day.

Recorded more voice data set scripts — Another 5 or 6 of these this week. The interface I record into isn’t the normal DAW method, but through a web page. It’s a little wonky and the interface isn’t the easiest to use. I wish they’d let me resize the text box the line sits in. I wish I could record pick ups. Some of the lines are two or three hundred words long and have foreign language words. They are very difficult to get through in one pass.

I’ve figured out a clever (to me) way to soften this difficulty, though. We’ll see how well this works out in the future.

Recorded an audition — This one was to be the voice of a service call voice robot.

Added another TBLR episode to Youtube — This time it’s The Damned Thing.

Overall, not too bad for a week that was two days shorter than normal. Next week will also be limited with Thanksgiving and Sandwich Day.


I don’t really share videos as exclusive post topics anymore, so I’ll share this song I found last week and really enjoyed here instead. Have fun.

Sandwich Day and the Celebration of Leftovers

Years ago—I can’t remember if it was while we lived in California or if we’d already moved to Delaware—Sarah had the idea to celebrate the day after Thanksgiving with sandwiches. We always prepare a Thanksgiving meal at our house, so we always have a ton of leftovers. Just sort of the nature of the game. But using all those leftovers before they go bad is invariably a struggle. Traditionally, you prepare to-go packages for guests and that helps shift some of the food. But when it is just the two of us and maybe a single guest? What do you do with the rest of it all?

The answer? Sandwich Day.

I hate food waste. It drives me nuts, especially with meat. As touchy-feely as it sounds, I believe that if an animal died so you can eat, you have a responsibility to make use of that sacrifice as thoroughly as possible. I am not against eating meat, but I am against treating it with disrespect. And waste is disrespectful.

With a meal as big as Thanksgiving, ensuring that all the food is eaten and nothing is wasted is difficult. But if you invite a bunch of people over to eat it all remade as sandwiches, you go a long way toward mitigating waste.

So, Sandwich Day. Sandwich Day started as the day following Thanksgiving and remained that way for a few years. That meant that our leftovers were still plentiful and fresh; they hadn’t been subjected to days in the fridge and picky fingers going into and out of containers. It was a good system.

Later, after the pandemic and lockdown, life changed with children and jobs and expanding social networks. Sarah typically works the Friday after Thanksgiving because God forbid people don’t have a chance to go have a lobster roll immediately following a turkey feast. Sandwich Day Friday became impossible, so we moved it to Sunday, the day the restaurant is closed during the off-season. Then she started inviting people from work over and it became a bit of a party.

More people also means that we require more leftovers; more leftovers than we generally have. It’s also kind of whack to invite people over to your house to feed them four-day-old food. Now I cook a second turkey the day before Sandwich Day Sunday, prepare more cranberry sauce, and make more gravy. Kind of like a 0.5x Thanksgiving dinner prep. The stuffing is still fine by Sunday.

The day is fun, though, and worth the extra kitchen effort. And we always run through everything, so waste is avoided. What meat isn’t used ends up in a turkey pot pie the next day, anyway, so it’s all good. The sheer amount of stock I end up getting from two turkey carcasses is also wild.

Don’t think this just people coming over and eating cold turkey sandwiches and drinking wine. No, we go for it. We’ve gone for it from the jump. The idea was that we’d each make a different sandwich and there’d be a third classic Thanksgiving leftovers sandwich available. Traditionally I make a Kentucky Hot Brown and Sarah finds a new sandwich somewhere online to try. This year we’re going to simplify to just the Kentucky Hot Brown and Leftovers sandwiches.

A Kentucky Hot Brown is an open-faced “sandwich” served hot from the broiler. It’s turkey meat, roasted tomato, mornay sauce, bacon, and toast thrown into the oven to get hot as heck. Dress it with a little parsley at the end for freshness and eat it with a fork and knife. It’s insanely delicious. I omit the tomato because November isn’t exactly tomato season here in the Northern Hemisphere, but I don’t change anything else.

Originally created at the Brown Hotel in Louisville, KY in the 1920s, the sandwich itself has grown past its Kentucky roots. You’ll find a lot of recipes online and they’re all riffs on the same idea. If you want the original from the restaurant that created it, you can find it here. I don’t recall where I found the recipe back all those years ago, but it’s likely it was this one from Serious Eats. The date of publishing checks out and that photo of the bubbling grease is tickling the memory holes in my brain. However you decide to make it, the important factors are turkey, mornay, bacon, toast, and heat. Everything else is just dressing.

I encourage you to incorporate Sandwich Day into your Thanksgiving weekend, especially if you aren’t traveling. Christmas gets at least two days of celebration, so why not give the superior Thanksgiving the same recognition? It’s a great way to spend more structured time with your loved ones, reduce waste, and try something new. Give it a try.

Putting Your Face on a Mug

There are two diners here in Milford, Delaware: Westside Restaurant (which is on the south end of town) and Milford Diner. They’re both pretty good, but I prefer Westside. It’s the one of the two that meets my exacting standards. Milford Diner doesn’t have feta cheese, for some reason. Too bad, because their coffee is better than Westside.

Both diners serve coffee in a variety of mugs collected from many sources. You get your Legoland mug, your white porcelain food service mug, your Best Mom Ever mug. You get it. The sort of mug variety you’d see on the shelf at a Home Goods or Marshalls or thrift store. Don’t Talk to Me Until I’ve Had My Coffee!

At a recent breakfast visit, we were blessed to drink out of this mug.

Bob Viscount, the insurance guy of central Delaware.

This raised a few questions, of course.

  1. Does he pronounce his surname to rhyme with “discount” or the like the British nobility?
  2. If it’s like “discount”, why isn’t he using that in his materials?
  3. Is this an effective marketing strategy for him? I’d say that the median age of people who eat at these places is like 60, so maybe this old school approach is the right one.
  4. Where is this guy? I can find no listing for him online. These mugs can’t possibly be that old, can they? Addendum: the name “Bob Viscount” is much more common than I would have assumed. Even a search for “Bob Viscount Delaware” yields many incorrect hits.
  5. Is he “Bob” to his friends and “Robert” to everyone else?
  6. How do we get mugs with our faces in the restaurants?

That last question is obviously the most important one. Over our eggs and toast, we started looking, thinking that it should be relatively easy and inexpensive to make this joke real. Bob here has mugs with his face in at least two restaurants in town, after all.

We were wrong. Vistaprint has custom mugs starting at $10.49, as of the writing of this post. That’s fine for a single mug. No problem. But if you really wanted to do this correctly—and I mean, like, really do it correctly—you’d need to saturate the environment with mugs. Milford is a small town and there are only two restaurants I know about with the Bob mugs, but they both serve a ton of coffee. You’d need a lot of mugs. What, like, 50? 100? You’re looking at $449.62 for the 50 pack and $899.25 for the 100 pack. Fortunately the shipping is free.

That feels like too much for an, admittedly, really funny joke. Stick that one in the bin of hilarious ideas to do when we win the lottery. Which we never play. There are some cheaper options out there, but not cheaper enough.

I am not even sure what the mug would look like. It would definitely feature our faces, but it would have to be a new photograph tailored specifically for coffee mug format. None of this half-assed-reusing-existing-assets stuff. If we’re going to spend $900 on a set of 100 custom mugs to spread throughout town for no other reason than because we think it’s funny, we’re going create a new image. If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing well.